by Erin Banks
Cyberbullying. What is it? Many people are still not quite certain. Is an isolated comment or interaction between two people just a bit rude, perhaps upsetting, is someone fleetingly trolling for a reaction in the comment section of one thread, at what point precisely does any of it cross over into the realm of cyberbullying? CrimePiper has previously written about and spoken out against cyberbullying.
In short, trolls conventionally target online communities as a whole for different reactions, they may focus on one community over a longer period of time, or move throughout different communities in order to get their “kicks.” If one commenter engages in an extensive back and forth with them, they may focus on this person throughout the conversation, but will more rarely keep the focus on them once the other person stops responding. Trolls are the types of people who’ll throw spaghetti at the wall, hoping something will stick, at least for a little while.
In contrast, cyberbullies target individuals, and may obsessively stalk them all over the internet in order to disparage them, provoke reactions they may weaponize for – at times misleading and incomplete – screenshots to either “prove” their target deserves the bullying, or to misrepresent their victim as the actual bully, against whom they are merely fighting back.
They may create groups and pages about someone in order to harm them on a personal and/or professional level. The victim’s appearance, weight, sexual childhood abuse trauma, sexual orientation, gender identity, professional capabilities, physical and invisible disabilities may be mocked, used and abused in order to try and silence, isolate and destroy this person.
The underlying goal of their relentlessness is often to drive their victim away from social media and/or more or less covertly hoping and stating their target will commit suicide.
As it pertains to motivation, Caralyn Dreyer, M.A. in forensic psychology, is of the opinion that,
“Cyberbullies can either lack empathy or it could be that the bully has been a victim of bullying themselves and turns into a bully as a maladaptive coping behavior. I think the best way to cope with cyberbullying is to report it, if possible, and as hard as it is, not to engage with the individual. It can be helpful to also block the individual who is bullying.“
Cyberbullying of and by adults is entirely a global phenomenon, and moving within the True Crime & Horror communities myself, I have observed it many times, and to an extent that is incomparable to other communities I am and have been involved in. The actual cyberbullying mostly involves two groups of people: Content creators, and, unsurprisingly, the offenders. This latter sentiment conventionally raises some eyebrows. How could a violent offender even be bullied?! They deserve it, right…? Personally, I disagree. Offenders were oftentimes mistreated during their formative years, resulting in them developing disorders of the mind which may just serve the function of being a survival and coping mechanism. Due to trauma, people with certain disorders (for instance personality disorders) are at risk of both being victimized themselves throughout their lives as well as perceive any type of set-back and criticism as an active threat, prompting them to lash out or starting to enjoy violence and serial offending in general. European prison models have shown that a reward system, providing offenders with coping mechanisms, (group) therapy, medication, occupational skills work far better than punishment does, helping them manage their impulses.
I was curious, though, how some of my True Crime and Horror artist friends and acquaintances had experienced cyberbullying first-hand, how they had handled the situation and what their advice to others experiencing it may be. Some were eager to chime in, others outright admitted that they were hesitant, lest they reawaken the dragon and motivate those who had or were bullying them online to step up their game, if the latter learned how or if it had affected their targets.
Below are some quotes by writers and podcasters who kindly shared their stories and opinions with me:
Diane Fanning (True Crime author)
“I spent months with a cyber bully posting up to 200 tweets a day disparaging my character and my work in the vilest language imaginable. At first I fought back but that only made it worse. The only thing that had impact was blocking her and ignoring her. That made me stressed out for a long time as I worried what she was posting that I could no longer see. Now, at the first sign of harassment, I block and move on.”
Mike Duke (horror author)
“I haven’t experienced any significant cyber bullying beyond some bad reviews where I was attacked personally in some way or another. But I guess I could give you some opinions.
Cyberbullying has a different dynamic than physical bullying. They start out the same I think. Verbal bullying is pretty much the same. I think as an initial response to verbal bullying, one or two options are best. Either, one, ignore them. With some it’s like testing the waters to see if you’ll bite on it. If you don’t, you’re no fun and they move on. Or, two, respond with satire, a comedic deflection or reflection of their own attacks back at them. When my son was young, we worked with him on this. It took roleplaying some different scenarios back and forth over time but once he got it the kid became a master at it and frustrated bullies all the time by making them look stupid just turning their words on them.
When someone escalates, it’s a different story though. In a physical confrontation, there’s the threat of bodily harm. I always told my son to never let someone physically assault him. He had my permission to defend himself and I’d back him before the principal.
In cyberbullying there may be no threat of physical harm, but there comes a point where they threaten or inflict other types of real and significant harm. First, mental and emotional harm. The levels of stress that persistent bullying inflicts is enormous. And high stress levels can cause changes in one’s physical health, it can cause mental torment that may compromise logical and reasonable thinking patterns, and it may undermine emotional health to the point of severe depression and suicide which is now affecting physical health in a real and physical way. So, even tho there may be no physical contact there is still a physical level of threat involved when things escalate and or draw out for long periods.
Also, if the cyberbullying with adults includes attacking their character, reputation, or their business directly, it may have a detrimental effect on their livelihood, income, or relationships with family, thereby inducing even greater levels of undue stress.
Now, in a physical confrontation you can decide to fight back and let them know you’re not a victim. If they want to come at you, you have teeth and they’re gonna feel them. Even if you get beat, they’re gonna know you’ve been there kind of thing. This is more difficult it seems to me with cyberbullying. There seems to be the impression that once you speak out against a cyberbully, you have shown weakness. And if that’s your initial reaction to the first verbal attacks, I might agree. But it seems to me, there comes a point where you have to say enough and stand up to them.
But herein lies the other problem, which we also see in physical bullying at times. The pack hunters. These people operate and seek out and persecute a target as a pack of hunters. In cyberbullying this enables them to shape a narrative and spread misinformation in a way that effectively makes it almost impossible for the victim to prove things are otherwise. Unless they have their own supporters who are willing to stand against the bullies with them. People who will watch and track and take screenshots and be willing to help expose these bullies for the lying manipulative piece of shit cowardly abusers they really are. And I think that’s what it really comes down to today.
If I’m noticing things right, there’s rarely any one who cyberbullies others on their own. Beyond your basic trolls anyway. They shoot their mouths off and act big but it’s not usually a coordinated effort to bully at every turn. But the real bullies go out of their way to find certain people and go after them and attempt to destroy them. So, in the Internet age, where rumors can spread like wild fire as they shape the narrative, it would seem to me, the best defense is having others who are willing to stand together with an innocent victim being targeted and turn the tables on the bullies and expose them and give them a bloody nose right back with the truth. Maybe then they’d think a bit before they decided to pick on someone else.”
Amie Ray Davis, Juris Doctor (Wayne Williams & Kenneth Bianchi case worker & True Crime author)
“Over the past 16 months, I’ve had my law school called by multiple people with the intent to try and get them to revoke my JD (Juris Doctor title), been threatened with physical harm, had my husband threatened with physical harm, but only if my children watch, to have my house and car burned in front of me, had so many instance of defamatory lies told about me, including that I’m the leader of the KKK, that I stole Wayne Williams’ car, am restoring it, and then auctioning it off; that I come from a line of KKK members (because they are literally doing a family tree on me and using a common last name to tie me to people in the past who aren’t tied to me), told Wayne’s 85-year old godmother that I had a document drawn up so I could take guardianship of her and steal her house, had multiple unsubstantiated bar complaints, and let’s not forget the most fun one – one of them using an old picture of me when I was going through hormone replacement and gained a lot of weight to show on his on podcast so everyone could talk about how fat I was, call me names like the whale, shamu, an inflatable pool that used to be outside of Kmart, and even better, pointing out that I was wearing an apple watch in the photo and making fun of a fat girl wearing one of those – it’s a literal damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. This is just a very minor part of what I have gone through also. I have been accused of committing fraud multiple times, including going to an attorney friend and lying to her saying that I was using the friend’s bar number to file things all over the country. My life tends to stay in the “what the fuck” zone.
I handled it by not giving them power over me. I realized that if I spoke out, it would give them something to respond to. If I stayed silent, it would make them have to keep making things up. It was absolutely not easy by any means, and I’m not going to sit and say that in the beginning, I cried a lot. I couldn’t understand how someone could wake up each day wondering how they could attempt to destroy me today. In the end, the best thing I could do was just let them keep going. Eventually, a lot of people realized that they were crazy. The reality for me though was that I could give it time and effort to try and make people see the truth, but the people I would be giving that energy to were not people who would even listen to me or care to know my story. The people who know me knew that it was nonsense and lies, which I also knew.
My advice is to remember that if someone is trying to bring you down, it’s because they know you are elevated above them. Stay there. Work on staying silent where someone expects you to be enraged. Don’t give someone power that they do not deserve. As the saying goes, what happens in the dark comes to the light. While it’s hard, trust the process, lean on your support system, and understand that you owe no one an explanation for anything – truth, lies, nothing. Control your own narrative.”
Nico Claux (True Crime painter, writer & publisher)
“There’s a webpage which was posted nearly twenty years ago, but it was heavily loaded with keywords, so that it remains on top of research engines. The guy who posted it had an agenda at the time: I was about to do an art exhibition with Gidget Gein in the US, and he wanted it to be cancelled (he had a grudge against me for something completely different and private). So he used a court document stating that I was sentenced to twelve years for premeditated murder, and used it to say that I wasn’t convicted of cannibalism and grave robbery (like some websites claimed), that it was a “hoax.”
But anyone familiar with my case know that I wasn’t even charged with those things in the first place. They were mentioned by the prosecution during pre-trial, but the leading investigating judge dropped the charges out of concern that my defense team would use it to plead insanity.
But the tabloids needed to sell their papers, so some of them said that I was charged with those things, and it was relayed by Murderpedia and the like. This campaign did not really convince anyone (it is clear when you read it that the guy who wrote it is not a journalist and that he has a grudge against me) but it is sometimes used by uninformed people who feel the need to say their two words in forums.
My response to it was just to ignore it. When people ask me for an impartial account on my case, I send them to a 2007 TV interview given by the guy in charge of the investigation team, for a TV show on Satanism. He also wrote a book that has a whole chapter on the case. But unfortunately they are in French.
There are several motivations. The campaign I mentioned above was motivated by the desire to get even at something that he believed I had done (the person in question was suffering from paranoia and thought that I had planted transgender porn videos on his PC, and that explained why his friends saw them after he accidentally clicked on them. – I know it sounds extremely weird, but that was his reason to get mad at me, and that explains the homophobic language he uses on this webpage). So yeah, sometimes it’s a matter of having one person around you that is extremely toxic. Due to my position, I also sometimes get death threats and the like from religious fanatics. I don’t pay much attention to them and never reply.
Those persons always think that you will be affected by what they have to say but it’s the exact contrary. It’s really a waste of time from their part. It’s like they are talking to themselves. I don’t even understand why they would even think that someone like me would give two fucks about their delusional religious superstitions.
99% of the time, I have extremely positive interactions with people from the true crime community, and they come from all walks of life. But I was asked by owners of goth clubs and organizers of so called “vampire balls” not to come to their events because I gave their community ”a bad name”. They all pretend to be into dark stuff but when dealing with the real thing, they all shit their pants. I boycott those events anyways.”
Jeff Ignatowski (creator of the Serial Killer Card Game & speaker)
“Having a game about killers garners us some real criticism. We always try to be as diplomatic as possible, while flexing our knowledge of the field and our personal experience with True Crime. So stay confident in your truth and remember they only talk tough because they aren’t right in front of you.”
William G. Harder (owner of murderabilia store Murderauction)
“I don’t really fancy myself an artist. And I mean bullying. I don’t really know, I kind of ignore it. I have a big target on my back. You know, just because I do what I do well, and people don’t like it for a number of reasons, but I’ve just learned not to pay attention to it, man. The internet’s not a real place and I just ignore it. I block people. I don’t know much about how or if it really affects me. I’m sure it affects me but I don’t pay attention to it.
You know, if cyberbullying was affecting you, stay off the internet. Just block people, don’t put up with that. I wouldn’t. I don’t have time for that. Nobody got no time for that.
It was Dave Chappelle who said it best when they were giving him a real hard time on the internet and somebody said to him, ‘Hey man, they’re, dragging you through the mud on Twitter,’ and Dave Chappelle said something like, ‘I don’t care, Twitter is not a real place,’ and it always really stuck with me; out of sight out of mind.”
Ariel Marie (Social psychologist, True Crime podcaster, “Malice” & “Crime & Compulsion”)
“Cyber bullying is a pervasive response to the anonymity of the internet. At one time bullying depended on physical threat, even when physical violence didn’t manifest. While cyber bullying often relies on the same tactics, has evened the playing field to a great extent. Now anyone with feeling of inadequacy and lack of power may find vulnerable prey even in real world situations like school or church or extracurricular activities. These targets are then psychologically broken down.
But we’re not only talking about mean kids. Sometimes predators begin by grooming victims, luring them into feelings of safety and stability. Once this level of trust is established a victim may then be blackmailed through loss of their reputation, safety and even threats of harm against family and friends.
Bullies are not evil geniuses, but they are master manipulators. What they mete out is to meet their own needs, whether in come commercial form or the sheer need for sadism. Left unchecked these individuals are exceptionally dangerous.”
William Dathan Holbert (ex-hitman, author, prison pastor)
“Sometimes it’s wise to accept and even embrace weakness. This is the only way to actually make a weakness into a strength. For example in my own life, when I was first arrested, I was very overwhelmed by the hate that I received from the press. I cannot begin to tell you how paralyzed I was at first.
Then, when I realized I was totally fucked, that my absolute worst nightmare had happened, I was free.
I began making a joke out of the whole thing. And the people loved it! I became a celebrity in Panama because I didn’t hide my face in the perp walk. I laughed and pushed back when they asked stupid questions.
So do that. Embrace your haters. Laugh with them. Don’t attack, just be cool. That experience with the press/public liberated me; I’m not affected by what people think anymore or by their criticism.”
Aron Beauregard (horror author & contributor to “Evil Examined” podcast)
“This one is kind of tricky for me to answer because I’m not sure I’ve experienced cyberbullying exactly. I’ve had some critiques that I consider unfair and judgmental of my character, instead of my work, because there are some that can’t separate the art from reality. Anytime I’m intentionally tagged in something mean-spirited or reviews that are not people’s opinions of my work but their opinions of me, I just avoid and don’t read it. I block the person who created it or tagged me and simply move on. And just to be clear, I’m not talking about people who didn’t like my book. They read it and are entitled to their opinion. I specifically referring to trolling. Flooding someone’s profile or message box with hateful or nasty comments. I think engaging with people of this nature is a big mistake and it draws you into the lies. At the end of the day, the people who know who you are as a person, the supporters and readers aren’t going to believe it. Sadly, maybe some that don’t know you will, but losing a few potential readers is better than fueling a fire that can burn down everything you’ve worked hard for. So, we always say, don’t feed the trolls. Let them starve.”
Elissa Kerrill (host of Serial Killing: A Podcast)
“There are two ways to deal with trolls and cyber bullies; you can ignore them, which is what I do 99% of the time, or you can toy with them back out of sheer amusement. It is better to ignore them because that stops that energy pretty quickly. Eventually they see their poking isn’t doing anything and they will move on to another victim. But if I’m pretty sure it won’t escalate, I show them their ignorance. Either way, as a creator, you are getting traffic which gets you more exposure.”
Phil Chalmers (criminal profiler, True Crime writer & host of the podcast “Where The Bodies Are Buried”)
“Honestly, I don’t have too many crazy people after me, although I’ve had a few. Ironically, the ones I have the most problems with are men. A couple of guys message me non stop, and as soon as I block one account, they create another. Pretty annoying shit.
As far as stalkers, very few for me. Now, jealous people are an entire different story. I have plenty of jealous haters, who take every chance they can to throw shade at me. This business is filled with thousands of so-called experts, who are jealous of other’s success. That I deal with on the daily, and honestly, I just block them and move on.
Nothing has ever happened physically or in real life, so this is all on social media. The longer I do this business, the more I operate in silence, telling nobody what I am doing. That way, the haters have no idea what my next steps are. That would be my recommendation to your readers, listeners, and viewers.”
Ronald McGillvray (horror author)
“Thankfully, I’ve been lucky enough (so far) to have never encountered any online bullying. And being quite a bit older than the majority of the people online that I come across, I don’t think it would faze me one way or the other. I’d just thank them for their comment and move on to the people that I enjoy dealing with instead. I’d literally have forgotten all about them a minute later.
Once you get your head around the fact that they’re usually just trolling for a reaction, and that they have no real intention of a meaningful dialogue, who gives a crap. Besides, silence and/or a quick thank you is like holy water to a vampire for them.”
Matt Martinek (horror author & musician)
“The thing we need to remember about bullying, cyber or otherwise, is that the bully does it when they feel safe…when they feel that there will be no consequences for their actions. Hiding behind a screen and keyboard offers them the ultimate feeling of security, which is what makes cyber-bullying so dangerous and prevalent in today’s world. Unfortunately, there is nothing “virtual” about it…the effects can be as dangerously real as it gets. Harassment is harassment, and needs to be treated as such.”
EJ Hammon (True Crime author, blogger and speaker)
“Anyone who has been bullied can appreciate the strength it takes to move beyond the reverberating words left behind by their persecutor.”
CrimePiper 